The Paradox of Control: How Letting Go Can Move You Forward

Do you like to be in control of things?

That might sound like a silly question. 

Of course you want control — it’s your life, right?

• You want to control how your day goes. 

• You want to control your relationships.

• You want to control the trajectory of your career. 

• You want to control your progress in the gym. 

But here’s the hard truth…

You’re not in control of everything. 

Not even close.

In fact, the desire to control everything might be one of the biggest sources of stress and anxiety in your life.

The Balance Between Effort and Surrender

Life is a constant dance between the things you can control and the things you can’t. 

When you blur that line, you’re asking for burnout.

You think you're taking responsibility, when really, you’re just trying to take the reins of something that’s out of your control. 

This is where the concept of living between effort and surrender comes in.

You can almost always control your input. 

But you can rarely control the outcome.

Here’s what I mean…

• You can control what and how much you eat, but that doesn’t guarantee the scale will drop tomorrow.

• You can control how many push-ups you do, but you may not wake up looking like Captain America.

• You can control how you show up in your relationships — with honesty, kindness, and intention — but you can’t control how others receive you.

If you base your self-worth, happiness, or motivation on the outcome rather than the effort, you’re going to be in for a lot of disappointment.

What Viktor Frankl Taught Me

No one made this concept clearer to me than Viktor Frankl.

Frankl was an Austrian psychiatrist who survived the Holocaust. He endured unimaginable brutality — including the death of his entire family — yet emerged with a powerful understanding of human freedom and dignity.

In his book Man’s Search for Meaning, he writes:

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances.

Frankl’s message isn’t just inspiring — it’s practical. 

Even when you lose control over your circumstances, you never lose control over your response.

That’s the one freedom no one can take from you.

What This Means for Your Fitness (and Life)

So what does this look like in the day-to-day?

• It means setting goals based on effort — not just results.

• It means celebrating consistency instead of obsessing over perfection.

• It means trusting that small daily actions add up, even when it doesn’t look like it yet.

You don’t have to surrender your goals or lower your standards. 

You just need to stop gripping so tightly to the outcome. 

Effort is your job, the result is not.

Ironically, when you let go of needing to control everything, the real progress will likely begin.

For Reflection…

Where in your life do you need to surrender the outcome and simply commit to the process?